In the previous post I described the emergence I am making from a lifetime of swimming, sometimes floundering, sometimes nearly drowning in a stream choked with other souls rushing single-mindedly onward. I have discovered a shore and while my legs are strengthening and I’m still lying close to the edge, I am occasionally swept back into the tide. There is a learning process to staying on land. There is repeated practice required for using my new legs and a constant vigilance is necessary to avoid slipping back into the rushing waters.
Every morning I wake up and have to set a deliberate focus for my day. I have to consciously stay attuned and attentive to the details around me and be aware of thoughts that pull me into reverie or what-ifs. I can allow myself to acknowledge and note those other thoughts, but am training myself to stay mostly in the present and attend to that which is in front of me. Learning to quiet the call of issues over which I have no control is very new and requires repeated effort, but it is working. I am sleeping better at night and have room in my mind to appreciate pleasantries that each day brings.
Learning how to meditate, incorporating a physical activity, and including a creative outlet for each day is helping to develop that strength of mind that is required to avoid the torrential pull that has characterized my life. Identifying the habits and thought processes that sweep me away has been more difficult. Because they are so ingrained, the tendencies are subtle but deep. Ruminating on that which I cannot control steals over me at times.
How long will it take me to feel more a part of the land than the current? I want to know the prognosis. Can I be a part of the solid terrain completely? That is what I want. I want to have a constant sense of groundedness. Identifying what undermines that and how to turn it around and regroup is the challenge that I face.
I would love to know what undermines other’s groundedness and how they root themselves. How do you stay focused and true to yourself?